By now, the script for Women’s History Month programming in Biglaw is a familiar dance: celebrate trailblazing women, talk mentorship, sprinkle in some “you can have it all,” and wrap before anyone has to jump on a client call. But at one recent firm event, a new partner decided to skip the platitudes and go straight for the truth… and, well, the truth is a little bleak.
During a panel featuring several female partners, one newly minted member of the partnership club was asked the perennial question, “how do you juggle being a working mom?” And her answer was disarmingly candid.
“Sometimes things drop. Sometimes you’re going to miss things. Sometimes you’re going to miss a child’s birthday party, maybe even your own child’s.”
Record scratch. Or, as one Above the Law tipster dryly put it: “Really inspirational……….”
On the one hand, genuine kudos for the honesty. Biglaw has long thrived on a carefully curated illusion that if you just optimize hard enough, lean in aggressively enough, and maybe download the right calendar app, you too can crush it at work and never miss a meaningful moment at home. It’s a nice story. It’s also, as anyone who has ever billed 2,400 hours knows, mostly fiction.
So there’s something refreshing about a partner saying the quiet part out loud. This job will take things from you, and sometimes those things are irreplaceable.
It’s also deeply, profoundly sad. Not in a judgmental way! No one listening to that answer thinks this partner doesn’t love her kid enough. But the demands of Biglaw aren’t theoretical, they are relentless, and they do not politely step aside for cake and candles.
Everyone walking into Biglaw understands, at least abstractly, the tradeoff. The paycheck is enormous, the prestige is real, and in exchange, your time is… not entirely your own. Nights, weekends, vacations are all negotiable. But there’s still a persistent myth, especially in these kinds of panel discussions, that with enough grit and grace, you can bend that reality into something resembling balance.
You can’t. Not really.
And moments like this, uncomfortable, unscripted, and a little too real, expose the gap between the profession’s branding and its lived experience. “Having it all” sounds great on a recruiting brochure. It sounds a lot less convincing when “all” explicitly includes missing your own kid’s birthday.
Kathryn Rubino is a Senior Editor at Above the Law, host of The Jabot podcast, and co-host of Thinking Like A Lawyer. AtL tipsters are the best, so please connect with her. Feel free to email her with any tips, questions, or comments and follow her on Twitter @Kathryn1 or Mastodon @Kathryn1@mastodon.social.
The post The Cost of Making Biglaw Partner? Your Kid’s Birthday Party appeared first on Above the Law.