(Photo by Steve Pope/Getty Images)
The second Trump administration will surely be a disaster for the planet and all living things. But it does promise to have some very funny moments — although we may find ourselves laughing from the confines of a gulag.
One source of humor will be Matthew Whitaker, whom Trump just announced this morning would be representing our beleaguered nation as ambassador to NATO. Whitaker was the thumb-headed dingus who took over as acting attorney general after the 2018 midterms when Trump kicked Jeff Sessions to the curb.
“Matt is a strong warrior and loyal Patriot, who will ensure the United States’ interests are advanced and defended. Matt will strengthen relationships with our NATO Allies, and stand firm in the face of threats to Peace and Stability,” Trump’s team said in a statement blasted to reporters, adding that “Matt is also the former U.S. Attorney for the Southern District of Iowa, and is a graduate of the University of Iowa with a B.A., MBA and J.D., where he played football, and received the Big Ten Medal of Honor.”
That will come in handy if we need to tackle the representative from Romania.
It should be noted that our current representative at NATO is Scott Oudkirk, a career diplomat with degrees from Georgetown’s School of Foreign Service and the National Defense University’s Eisenhower School, who served on the National Security Counsel and in posts in Turkey, Iraq, China, and Jamaica. During the first Trump administration, we were represented former Texas Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison.
Now we’re sending the big dick toilet guy.
Forgive the profanity, but this is a guy so deeply unimpressive that, five years after serving as the US Attorney for the Southern District of Iowa, he was part of a scammy “invention promotion firm” hawking a giant toilet for men who can’t keep their dangly bits out of the bowl. Every time Iowa Republicans had a chance to elevate this guy — to Iowa Treasurer, to Iowa Supreme Court, to the Senate — they passed. The best he could do was get himself on wingnut welfare, heading up an astroturf “chop shop of fake ethics complaints” to harass Hillary Clinton.
Whitaker was thrust into the spotlight during the first Trump administration when the president passed over Deputy AG Rod Rosenstein to make Whitaker acting AG after Sessions was defenestrated. Washington Post journalists Philip Rucker and Carol Leonnig wrote that his direct reports at DOJ called him “Mongo,” a reference to the big, dumb oaf portrayed by Alex Karras [ed note: who also played football for the University of Iowa] in “Blazing Saddles.”
He’s a… you know… MORON.
And now Donald Trump is going to send him to NATO to knock down other countries and steal their lunch money because the moron in chief believes that defense spending guarantees amount to an unpaid vig to the US.
Ah, well, Mongo only pawn… in game of life.
Liz Dye lives in Baltimore where she produces the Law and Chaos substack and podcast.