In many instances, it can be difficult to find time to catch up with friends. People often use applications to make it easier to coordinate different schedules, and other people just message each other back and forth until an agreeable time is decided. Many professionals have admins help them schedule catch-ups, and this is completely appropriate for business matters. However, there is a trend among some people to use admins to schedule catch-ups with friends, and this practice rubs me the wrong way.
I first experienced someone in my personal life using an admin to schedule a catch-up shortly after I graduated from law school. I sought career advice from a close relative with whom I did not have too much contact for the preceding five years or so. This relative suggested that I reach out to his admin to put some time on the calendar to talk. It did not feel great to be treated so coldly — like a business associate — by a close relative, but I figured that this relative was much older than me and either didn’t understand technology or was old school in his practices. I therefore reached out to his admin and scheduled a time to speak.
Later in my career, I became reacquainted with someone I was close with in college. This person suggested that we catch up since we might be able to help each other out in a professional capacity and so that we could update each other on our personal lives. This friend suggested that I reach out to her admin to schedule time to talk. This rubbed me the wrong way. I had known this friend for well over a decade and had memories of this person as a college kid. It did not feel right that this friend directed me to an admin rather than personally schedule time to talk, and I wondered if the friend was interjecting her admin into our affairs just to flex.
I ended up begrudgingly communicating with the admin to set up some time to meet, but this was more trouble than it was worth. Rather than communicate directly with my friend on times that worked and which details were most satisfactory, we had to play a game of “telephone” through the admin. It would have been much easier to just communicate with my friend directly, especially since we probably could have set up a time to speak in a few text messages.
Recently, I was talking to someone who told me that a friend made her go through an admin to set up a time to talk, so I know this phenomenon is not exclusive to just me. I am not sure what goes through people’s minds when they direct friends to their admins to schedule times to talk. Perhaps at some level, this is more convenient for the person, since it takes some communications off their plate and delegates those tasks to an admin. Also, people might have different perceptions of a relationship and may perceive some individuals as work contacts that should be treated like anybody else connected to a business. At some level, people with admins might want to flex that they have an admin, since this might convey some kind of message about how successful they are.
However, people should think about potential reactions when they decide whether to refer a friend to an admin or just schedule a time to meet themselves. A friend might not appreciate being referred to an admin since this seems cold and does not reflect a connection that a friend might think they have with a given person. Also, it might just be easier for everyone to leave admins out of scheduling and just let people communicate directly.
Jordan Rothman is a partner of The Rothman Law Firm, a full-service New York and New Jersey law firm. He is also the founder of Student Debt Diaries, a website discussing how he paid off his student loans. You can reach Jordan through email at [email protected].