Yup. This is preferable!
Life isn’t like television. Usually when you’re watching a show and someone launches a half-baked scheme, someone blurts out, “That so crazy, it just might work!” In real life, that phrase is a prequel to a really dumb conspiracy charge. For example, bribing a juror to get the ruling you want might have worked on Better Call Saul. In the real world, you just get made fun of in an Above the Law article. ABA Journal has coverage:
Three defendants accused of cheating the government are among five people charged Wednesday with trying to bribe a 23-year-old juror with $120,000 in cash left in a Hallmark gift bag.
While they didn’t think too far into their scheming, they did front load the thinking on their would-be double agent’s behalf:
The conspirators… also drafted a list of arguments that the juror could use to persuade other jurors for an acquittal, the indictment says. One of the arguments was that the government was prejudiced against people of color.
It is unclear whether those talking points were delivered to the juror, thought by the conspirators to be the only person of color on the jury.
The cohort faces charges of conspiracy to bribe a juror, bribery of a juror, and corruptly influencing a juror. One of the accused picked up an extra charge of obstruction of justice after trying to delete his phone’s contents once he realized the jig was up.
If you want to use your money to finesse the court, it is foolish to aim for the jury. Learn from the think tanks and billionaires all around you — just lobby Congress or pay a SCOTUS justice under the table until, despite there being no quid pro quo, things look the way you want them to.
Conspirators Allegedly Tracked Juror Before Leaving $120K Cash At Her Home [ABA Journal]
Earlier: Juror Handed Bag Full Of Cash To Acquit? Did It Have A Big Dollar Bill Sign On The Side?
Chris Williams became a social media manager and assistant editor for Above the Law in June 2021. Prior to joining the staff, he moonlighted as a minor Memelord™ in the Facebook group Law School Memes for Edgy T14s. He endured Missouri long enough to graduate from Washington University in St. Louis School of Law. He is a former boatbuilder who cannot swim, a published author on critical race theory, philosophy, and humor, and has a love for cycling that occasionally annoys his peers. You can reach him by email at cwilliams@abovethelaw.com and by tweet at @WritesForRent.
